3 idiot chapter 136

Episode 136. Elf

"Yeah, okay. I get why you guys hate dungeons, but... seriously? People usually don’t hate dungeons for that reason. Even if you hit a dud once, it’s still an unknown territory that might be hiding gold and treasure, you know? Most would go for it—hit it big in one go."

The old man, looking utterly worn out, let out a sigh of exasperation and downed his drink.

In the last country, it was the Aloha geezer. Now it’s the Yukata geezer.

The last one had a beard, this one just has long hair—but still, they give off the exact same vibe.

"I don’t care. If that’s the case, then it’s better money hunting beasts outside. The dungeon core or whatever it’s called, that’s the only thing worth money. But it takes too damn long. Not worth it."

"You just… flat-out denied the romance of it all..."

"I get the appeal. But romance doesn’t feed you."

When I turned away with a huff, the old man let out a big sigh again.

"But you can’t work as a Walker in this country, you know? This is a land of commerce, of food. So what are you planning to do?"

"Guh... But even if we go into a dungeon, where are we supposed to sell the stuff? There’s no Guild, right?"

"They buy dungeon cores at the town hall, you know? As for the other drop materials, most street stalls around here would buy them. And if you actually clear the dungeon, you'd probably get a hefty reward. After all, no one’s ever cleared the dungeon on this island."

"Whoa, whoa! That just means it’s insanely difficult and takes forever to get through! Who the hell would wanna go?!"

"But the materials you find along the way also sell for a decent price, you know?"

"Grnnngh!"

My back-and-forth with the old man kept escalating like a wild game of dodgeball.

Damn it. The more we talk, the more it feels like there's no choice but to go into the dungeon.

It’s true—if we clear it, we’d make a lot of money, enough to cover the crew’s food during long voyages and replace the weapons we’ll likely burn through.

Even that palm-sized cube from before sold for a decent price.

If I think of it that way, maybe it’d be best to go in just for a “test run” to put our minds at ease...

I was seriously considering it when—

"! Master!"

"Everyone on alert! Minami, weapons!"

A chill ran down my spine.

I shouted the order, and everyone instantly shifted into combat mode.

The crew members eating dropped their chopsticks, put their bowls back on the table, and even covered them with cloth to keep sand out.

Hey, don’t act so damn nonchalant.

I felt like snapping at them, but seconds later, everyone had weapons in hand and was scanning the surroundings.

"Where is it...? Where’s it coming from?"

I looked around, but all I saw was a quiet beach.

It was so peaceful, we looked like complete fools standing there, armed to the teeth.

But there’s no doubt.

The enemy already has eyes on us.

The crackling sensation in the air, the skin-crawling feeling of being watched, was undeniable.

That’s why I gripped my spears tighter in both hands and lowered my stance.

"...You guys! It’s above—! Huh?!"

"Found youuuuu! You damn geezer!"

"...So I’ve been found already... Tch."

From the sky, a girl with long ears, wearing a kimono, came falling down.

"Kou-chan! A girl’s falling from the sky!"

"But she’s not floating gently!"

Right as those two idiots yelled, bham!—she landed with a solid crash, kicking up a cloud of dust... no, a spray of sand from the beach.

She sharply narrowed her eyes at us and pointed a rather fierce-looking folding fan our way.

"Old man, step back. That one’s the real deal."

I swung my spear forward like a railroad crossing barrier, pushing the old guy behind me.

At the same time, the entire Hearty Eaters crew lined up beside me.

"They say the world’s a big place, but this one really takes the cake... She gives off the same kind of danger vibe as those sharks and whales—no, for a human, this is a whole other level."

"She looks tough and hard to deal with. Might actually be worse than a dragon in some ways."

"Masters, please... just this once—just this one time—do not get distracted by boobs. That is a monster."

While everyone braced themselves with weapons, I heard the Saintess's hurried footsteps running toward us from behind.

Amid this tense atmosphere, the girl in front of us suddenly grinned.

"I see, I see... Yeah, this does look like fun. You guys are amazing. How did you get this strong? Mind playing with me a little?"

With a calm, confident smile, she snapped open her fan with a metallic shkink! that sounded anything but friendly.

Was that... an iron fan?

If she hit you with that, "ouch" wouldn’t cut it.

But more importantly...

She’s really hard to deal with.

She’s humanoid. She’s a girl.

And most of all, that loosened kimono showing off her boobs is something else.

On top of that, this is the first time we’ve ever run into a gorgeous elf.

And you want me to fight her? No way.

"Tch, guess I’ve got no choice. Leave it to me."

I stabbed my spear into the ground and cracked my knuckles.

"Master, are you serious? She looks pretty capable herself."

"It’s not like we’re fighting a dragon, and I’ve got some ideas. Maybe, anyway. Minami, hand me the magic bag."

"Please, Kou-chan... I don’t think I can fight her."

"Sorry, me neither. With a look like that, I just can’t bring myself to hit her."

While everyone lowered their weapons and backed off, I alone stepped forward.

God, I hate this.

Why do I have to fight a girl at my age?

She’s got long, greenish-gold hair flowing behind her, and at a glance, she’s like an elven princess straight out of a storybook.

And yet, her aura is terrifying.

And then there’s that damn kimono... and the boobs.

Yeah, she’s a real boss-level opponent.

"Huh? Is it just you who's going to play with me, Onii-san? What about the others?"

"Sorry 'bout that. You’re a cute little lady, so everyone felt a bit too guilty to punch you. They all lowered their weapons."

"Oh my, how sweet of you all to say that. So that means… you're the only one willing to hit me, Onii-san?"

The elven beauty curled her lips into a smile, like she was genuinely enjoying herself—like this was all just a game to her.

Ah… I get it now.

This one’s never really had to fight for her life, has she?

She’s not fighting at that kill-or-be-killed level. She’s the kind who fights for fun, as a hobby.

That’s the kind of misplaced “confidence” I’m sensing.

If Airi were standing in front of us right now, no one would be hesitating just because she’s a woman. You'd know—if you don’t strike, you’ll die.

But this one? She’s different.

Which means... I've got plenty of “options.”

And if I do get beat down, I’ll just ask the Saintess to patch me up.

"Bring it on, cute little elf lady. This old man’ll play with you."

I grinned back so she wouldn't underestimate me and took a fighting stance, beckoning her forward with a wiggle of my fingers.

"Let’s see how long that smug face lasts… this should be fun!—Hoh!"

Zfft! A small sound—then in an instant, she was right in my face.

A metal fan came flying at me.

Fast. And sharp.

But—

"Too slow. Nakajima and Nishida are way faster."

"Huh?"

I grabbed her iron fan and, with my other hand, shoved something from my magic bag straight into her mouth.

Really jammed it in there.

It ended up covering her mouth—sorry if that hurt, yeah?

Then—

"Haaagh?! Wha—!? Wait, what the!?"

"Spit it out and I’ll punish you. Don’t waste food."

"N-No, wait! Wha!? What is this?! It’s hot?! Wha!?"

"Chew."

"N-No way, I can’t—I mean it’s too—mmm!? T-Tasty...!?"

After that weird little exchange, the kimono-clad elf girl just started chewing and chewing.

She had completely lost her will to fight. That electric tension in the air disappeared entirely.

Now, the only thing left was the elf girl, frozen mid-attack with her fan still in my hand, happily chewing on a piece of fried shark.

It’s delicious, fried shark.

That’s why I gave it to her.

Piping hot and freshly made—I shoved it right into her mouth.

Probably scalding hot, too. Serves her right.

"Nozomi, heal her mouth. I bet she’s burned a little."

"Ah—yes!"

[What the hell is with this one? Interrupting dinner like that? That’s just plain rude. Can I fire my breathe on her?]

"Kana."

[I’m sorry, never mind, forget I said anything.]

And so, while still munching on her shark, the elf girl began receiving treatment from the Saintess.

So… who was she, anyway?

Well, it all worked out, so that’s good. Honestly, I was sweating a bit there—but it didn’t seem like she was going all-out either.

Phew. I let out a long, exhausted sigh—

"I sincerely apologize!!"

"...Huh?"

I turned to look—and there was the old man who had brought us drinks earlier, now on his knees with his forehead in the sand.

Seriously, what…?

Just what is this situation?

With an exasperated face and the still-chewing elf girl in one hand, I let out a massive sigh.

…………………..

…………………..

---

"Hah! I just had a vision of a new Heroic Tale!“

"No, that was just a regular old dream, Princess. So stop daydreaming and get back to work."

I jolted upright—and found Hatsumi-sama giving me a rather exasperated look.

Weird. I’m sure I was organizing paperwork just a moment ago.

When did I doze off?

"B-But I’m sure I saw something just now... I think."

"Please stop calling every dream with the ‘Hearty Eaters’ a 'Heroic Tale', Princess… it’s giving me heart palpitations. No matter how crazy they are, there’s no way they’re wakeboarding across the ocean in front of a giant shark, or charging at a nightmare-sized whale while carrying the Saintess like a weapon. What even is that? You’re just letting the contents of that letter influence your imagination again..."

"R-Right… it’s just my imagination—or a dream, right? Carrying the Saintess as a weapon doesn’t even make sense."

I gave a dry laugh and got back to my paperwork.

I had to finish all this today—or the stack would only grow taller tomorrow.

So I rubbed my sleepy eyes and got back to work.

"By the way, what kind of dream did you have this time?"

Hatsumi-sama, who was helping me, asked with a weary voice.

I’ve been relying on her a lot lately. I really should make sure she gets a break soon.

"I saw them—'those guys'—taking on another huge enemy. It looked like a black dragon, and it was enormous."

When I described the dream I’d just had, she froze like a statue.

Then—

"N-No, no, yeah… there’s no way. Definitely just a dream. The past ones were… somewhat plausible, but—nope. I’m sure they’d just use some easier method to deal with it. And if it really was that dangerous, they’d probably just run away. They’ll come back safe and sound, eventually. So let’s just focus on the paperwork, Princess."

"Yes! I’ll finish it all today!"

And with that, I began furiously scribbling away again.

Lately, I’ve been dreaming about the Hearty Eaters a lot.

If I said it was due to frustration, it might sound a bit... indecent, but...

Maybe I really am starving to see them in action again.

Still, their appearances in my dreams have been so vivid—so clear—it feels like I’m really seeing them with my own eyes.

"Princess."

"Yes! I’m sorry! I’ll get back to work!"

Getting scolded again by Hatsumi-sama, I pushed my pen even harder.

Please, Hearty Eaters… come back soon.

PREVIOUS || TOC || NEXT