3 idiot chapter 134

 Episode 134. Food Island

And so, we arrived at Meshi-jima—the Food Island.

And just as quickly, we found ourselves surrounded by soldiers pointing weapons at us.

Yup. Business as usual.

"You lot! Are you pirates or what!?"

"Nope."

"Are you really not!?"

"Yeah, really."

"Permission granted!"

"If necessary, we can show our IDs—wait, are you serious!? We’re good to go?"

"Permission granted! Just make sure you secure your ship properly, alright? If it bumps into the other vessels, it’ll be a pain to deal with later."

The sharp-eared soldiers in armor murmured things like "Oh, they’re not pirates…?" and started walking off looking vaguely disappointed.

I see now—so this is the island of eccentrics.

The moment we disembarked, it all kind of made sense.

"Um, Captain…"

"Let’s just throw the ship into the magic bag so we’re not in the way, yeah?"

"Actually, it’s better to leave the magic bag empty for now."

"Roger that."

Even the Captain of the guard had a "Are you kidding me?" look as he began instructing the crew to disembark.

I was honestly surprised. This might be the first time we’ve been so naturally believed and accepted.

I like this place. Meshi-jima.

The laid-back vibe really suits us.

"Captain, just in case—you should know: if you cause any trouble, the high-level elves here will absolutely come to kill you without mercy, alright?"

"I’ll keep that in mind."

Ah, so it’s that kind of place—do no wrong, and anyone is welcome. But if you cause trouble, you’re instantly destroyed.

Seems like that’s the national policy.

I guess we should probably read through a rulebook or something first.

Thinking that, we all stepped into Meshi-jima.

The gate was simple. Security was light.

But those same soldiers who had surrounded us earlier definitely gave off a pretty intense aura.

Yikes.

I guess it’s true what they say about elves—they live long and tend to be strong. Probably depends on the place, though.

"But seriously, why… Why!?"

"Nishida, shut it."

"Every elf we’ve met so far has been a guy! Why is that!?"

"Shut up, Azuma. Once we’re inside, we might see some, alright? Just pipe down already. We’re drawing way too much attention here."

While I was smacking those two idiots over the head as they knelt and shouted dramatically on either side of me, I let out a long, deep sigh.

Don’t get me wrong—I was wondering the same thing.

Where are the beautiful elf women?

Normally, you’d expect it, right?

That kind of event.

Like, some cute, big-breasted elf girl bouncing over with sparkly eyes and a big smile.

What? That doesn’t happen to us? We don’t get that kind of event?

Do you need protagonist privileges or something to trigger those?

The three of us scanned the area with hopeful eyes when—

"Master… are we really doing this again? The ship’s secured. Let’s go. Come on, hurry up and enter already. Whatever you’re looking for, it’s not out here."

Minami appeared with a deadpan stare, followed by the Saintess with a troubled smile.

"I get why Minami-chan’s exasperated, but… I am a little curious too. Pretty elves, I mean."

[They don’t taste good, though. Too lean and stringy.]

"Kana, maybe hush now. You’re a dragon, so I get that you’ve eaten all sorts of things, but… seriously, hush."

The Saintess promptly cut off the dragon girl’s very concerning comment.

...I have concerns. On multiple levels.

Still, with that, we all completed our entry into Meshi-jima.

It’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.

As long as we don’t do anything stupid, this place should be perfectly safe and comfortable.

And on top of that—we should be able to get our hands on all sorts of rare seasonings and ingredients.

Which is why—

"Get your heads in the game, everyone… We’re here for treasure."

"This country looks like a goldmine for food intel. I’m already excited… Kukuku."

"Could you not phrase it like that…?"

So saying, we all finally stepped into the elven nation.

---

"Don’t screw with me! You want me to hand over my recipe!?"

"I’m only asking because I’d make sure the profits—"

"Who the hell’s gonna trek out to this backwater island to bring you your share of the sales!? Get lost! I ain’t feeding you nothin’!"

…Okay, they’re a lot more hot-blooded than I expected.

I thought elves were more… mellow?

While listening to the shouting match between a long-eared shopkeeper and a merchant, I slurped up some noodles.

"Man, he’s pissed."

"Honestly, if the guy ate the food and tried to reverse-engineer the recipe, fine. But to just straight up demand it? Yeah, I’d react the same."

"No kidding… Seconds, please!"

And that’s how we ended up eating yaki-udon.

Yeah. Udon. Stir-fried.

The ingredients here are far more complete than in any country we’ve visited so far—so much so that we even found powdered curry roux.

It’s an island, so there’s a bit of bias in the food culture, but they had a broader range of seasonings and ingredients than anywhere else we’d been.

"Hey, you fellas—where’d you come from? You sure are eatin’ like it’s your last meal!"

The shop’s old man grinned at us while scooping out another helping for Azuma.

In his hand was a piping hot mountain of stir-fried udon.

"From pretty far away. That’s why this nostalgic taste hits even harder. It’s damn good. I’ll take another round too."

When I handed back my plate, he replied with a cheerful "Comin’ right up!" and refilled it.

He’s an elf too.

…What was an elf again?

Oh right. Long-eared old dudes, apparently.

"Aren’t you gonna stop that over there? It’s turning into a real beatdown."

"Ah, that’s just one of those idiot merchants. Happens all the time. They only care about results—anything that looks profitable. For folks like us who live long, it’s all about process and ideas."

"Sounds like the guy’s talking about serious money, though. Doesn’t that matter?"

"Pfft, we’ve got national subsidies for that. We make what we like, improve it, and if we can get the King to say it’s tasty, we can live without rakin’ in profits."

"That’s nuts. You can live off subsidies? Then why run a food stall?"

"Well, that’s for research… and fun, I guess."

"I see… What a freakin’ country. Thanks for the refill."

I took the fresh helping of yaki-udon and started slurping again.

So good.

The thick sauce was delicious, and the bonito flakes were just incredible.

The aroma alone could make your mouth water.

Just breathing in made the umami dance through your nose.

I have to buy bonito flakes here. There’s no way around it.

And as I was savoring the noodles, I thought—

"To me, this system seems heavily skewed," the merchant girl said. "All commercial regulation appears to be under the control of the royal family, meaning the general populace is barely involved in actual transactions. And yet, profits are clearly being made. Which is likely how they're able to fund a system that supports the citizens so generously."

"Which brings up a question," she continued. "Is it because the ruler is that intelligent, or are they making money through some other means? Either way, it’s intriguing. Given that setup, I can understand why that guy blew up. If the recipe’s meant to be presented to the king, of course he wouldn’t want to share it with some merchant. It’s the recipe he’s staking the next year of his life on—no way he’d give it up lightly."

With unusually serious expressions, the merchant and her daughter slurped their noodles.

…It was a bizarrely unbalanced scene, honestly.

"Huff—hot! I still can’t get the hang of slurping noodles… I got my clothes all messy last time with ramen too,"

"Yeah, it’s different from pasta. You gotta kind of go slurp, like this. Not easy if you’re not used to it,"

[This one’s on Nozomi. I don’t have the confidence to eat it properly either, honestly.]

So while Minami and the Saintess shared that casual exchange, the merchants slurped their yaki-udon with grim expressions.

Meanwhile, the rest of us were just enjoying our meal.

For the record, we were currently on free time.

The crew had all gone off to eat whatever they liked in whatever part of town they pleased.

"Guess we’ll head over to the Walker Guild and see if we can find a job…"

But the moment I mumbled that—

"Ga-ha-ha!" the elf shopkeeper burst out laughing.

"You folks won’t find any Walker Guild in this country."

"Huh? …HUH!? Seriously!?"

I nearly dropped my chopsticks and leaned over the counter in disbelief.

"There's no need for one, see. Elves live for a long time—way longer than your average Walker. And all our soldiers train in the dungeon daily. Their levels are sky-high. They can handle just about anything on their own. So why would we need half-baked Walkers?"

"Yeah… that… makes sense, actually."

I mumbled and slumped back down into my seat.

Crap… this is bad.

Like, really bad.

Maybe we need to leave this country right away and get the ship moving to the next one.

This place… we can’t work here.

We really wanted to stock up—gear, tools, seasonings—everything.

We earned a good amount in the last country, but it’s not like our money’s infinite.

As I mulled over our options, sweat beading down my face, I continued slurping my noodles—when suddenly:

"THAT’S ENOUGH!"

A loud shout, and a man went flying sideways across the room.

He slid down the counter right in front of us, sweeping away everything on it.

Our food went flying.

Our half-eaten yaki-udon hit the ground with a sad splatter.

And just our luck—some of it landed on the girls' clothes.

"……"

"Kou-chan, wait. This was just a freaking accident. Don’t snap. Don’t snap, okay?"

"Kitayama, I really don’t think he’s gonna go full rage mode, but just stay calm, yeah? Stay, stay."

As the others tried to calm me down, I looked over at the girls.

"My yaki-udon…"

"Eugh… it’s all soggy…"

[Kitayama. Let’s hunt him. Yeah? Hunt. Him.]

"This is… certainly troublesome."

Minami and Nozomi were still in their pirate outfits, so wiping them off might do the trick.

But merchant girl Sara? She was wearing casual clothes. And they were soaked through.

The merchant who’d been thrown stood up, groaning—

"You’ve got some nerve, you pointy-eared freaks! Just because you live a bit longer—don’t think you’re above us! I’m a respected member of the Trade Guild in other countries—"

"Shouldn’t you start with an apology?"

"Huh?"

He clearly saw us as nothing but background NPCs.

So I stood up between the two.

The merchant threw me a "Who the hell is this guy?" look, while the elf shopkeeper scowled.

"You got nothing to say? I don’t care who’s in the right or wrong—you two can argue that out yourselves. It’s none of my business. But what the hell do you think you’re doing? Huh?"

I stared him down as I rose to my feet, and the shopkeeper glared back—though now with more of a measured, assessing look.

"You a Walker? If so, I’ve got a job for you right now! Take this bastard out—"

"Here. The trash you threw at us."

I grabbed the squirming merchant at my feet and tossed him back toward the shopkeeper.

The elf hurled him out into the street like a sack of garbage.

He lay there, foaming at the mouth, eyes rolled back.

Whatever. Just give me back my damn yaki-udon.

"I should be charging you for cleaning costs, but first you’re going to pay for ruining our meal. What the hell was that, huh? You think it’s okay to bother people just trying to enjoy their lunch? That guy was a pest, sure, but you could’ve handled it quietly."

"Hoh… so you’ve got some sense after all. I was just trying to make an example. Didn’t expect a decent one among you 'humans.'"

"You can’t even say 'sorry'? I guess I was wrong to expect anything from an elf. I thought you people were supposed to be elegant or something—not a bunch of violent morons."

"The hell did you just say? Some lowly human thinks he can talk down to me?"

We glared at each other, teeth grinding, fists clenched.

Just like Nakajima always says—right and wrong aren’t about race. They’re about the individual.

And right now, this shopkeeper was absolutely in the wrong.

Maybe the merchant was being a pain, but that didn’t justify causing a public scene and ruining everyone else’s lunch.

Because this? This was supposed to be a place for food.

"Oy, what’s wrong, Mr. All-Black? Come on—bring it!"

The elf beckoned us with a cocky grin, crouching low into a fighting stance.

He clearly wanted a brawl—and he clearly thought of us as weaklings.

He was way too full of himself.

And because of that—

We all readied for battle.

"I’m going in, you guys. He did say come at him."

"Tch… seriously, what a pain. I guess that elf back in 'Wind of War' was just a much better guy."

"Can’t even apologize after all this? Whatever, guess we’ve got no choice."

The three of us stood up together and unleashed a full wave of hostility. The surrounding area fell silent. Everyone’s eyes locked onto us, a collective gulp echoing through the crowd.

"What’s your problem!? All I did was chase off some annoying humans!"

"It’s how you did it that’s the problem."

I took one step forward. He immediately took one step back.

Why are you retreating?

You’re the one who picked this fight, aren’t you?

"What’s wrong? Why are you backing down? Are you afraid of 'humans'? That can’t be it, right? We’re beneath you, after all, yeah? So fight. We’re just plain ol’ humans. Nothing scary about that, right?"

"H-Hey, are you guys really human? No way… you’ve gotta be something way worse, right? Don’t come any closer! I’ll apologize, okay? I’m sorry, alright!?"

So much for all that bluster.

Now he was shaking at the knees, stumbling backward like a terrified child.

Then he tripped on what was probably the merchant’s luggage and took a glorious tumble.

"D-Don’t come any closer! Please! I’m sorry! It’s my fault, okay!? Just stop!"

Teeth chattering audibly, he’d wet himself.

Seriously? Pathetic.

You pick a fight and still end up peeing yourself?

Tch. I clicked my tongue in annoyance—right as a loud BANG came from behind me.

"Huh?"

I slowly turned around.

There was the shopkeeper, grinning from ear to ear, having just placed a monstrous plate of yaki-udon on the counter.

"Sorry about that, folks! Stuff like this happens pretty often 'round here. Forgive the guy, would ya? We’ve got our share of dumbasses who take things too far sometimes. C’mon, don’t look so scary—dig in! Got refills for everyone! And if you want, I’ll take care of the laundry too!"

With a bright smile, the shopkeeper offered a way to defuse the situation.

Yeah, guess it just goes to show—you get all kinds, even among the same race.

"Since the nice old guy over there asked, I’ll let it slide. Now get lost."

I muttered that, and the elf immediately collapsed on the spot.

Huh? …Did he just pass out?

What the hell. As I scratched my head, wondering what to do—

"It’s fine, it’s fine. Leave this idiot to us. You guys go back to eating. Sorry for the trouble—looked like you were really enjoying your meal. Here, consider this a little apology from us."

Another elf, probably from a neighboring stall, appeared with a huge bag filled with grilled corn. He handed it over and then dragged the unconscious idiot away.

"Go ahead, eat up, eat up. Everything around here tastes great, promise!"

As he dragged the guy behind the stall, we could hear loud splashing sounds—like someone getting dunked in water over and over.

Then came the shouting.

"YOU IDIOT! YOU WANNA DIE OR SOMETHIN’!? DON’T PICK FIGHTS WITH PEOPLE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, YOU LITTLE BRAT! YOU WANNA ACT TOUGH, TRY TRAINING FOR ANOTHER 50 YEARS FIRST!!"

…Yeah, we were definitely better off pretending we didn’t hear any of that.

With a sigh, I returned to my seat.

"Thank you for your hard work, Master," Minami said, offering a small plate of yaki-udon.

"Thanks. You guys okay? No burns or anything? Clothes all right?"

"No issues. Miss Nozomi and I are in ship gear, so just a quick wipe-down is enough."

"Even if we did get burned, I can heal us~"

[I am a little irritated, but it’s fine. Let’s eat.]

Our crew was fine.

But merchant girl Sara was in civilian clothes and probably not used to this kind of commotion.

So I glanced over at her, a bit worried.

"You don’t have to worry," she said with a soft smile. "When I travel with Father, we end up covered in mud half the time. This? This is nothing."

"Huh… that's so?"

"If I couldn’t handle this, I wouldn’t be able to keep up with all of you as you cross forests and such, right?"

"She’s more aggressive than she looks."

"Merchants are actually pretty tough creatures, you know?"

Sara smiled, and her father, Reed, gave a proud thumbs-up.

Honestly, we’d picked up one hell of a reliable ally.

And so, once again, we returned to slurping our yaki-udon.

But man… what are we gonna do?

No work in this country, huh?

A lot to worry about.

But for now, we focused entirely on the mountain of yaki-udon in front of us.

So good.

The sauce, the flavor—definitely different from what you’d find anywhere else.

Mumbling my thoughts between bites, we continued to savor our lunch.

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